Video Game Royal Rumble

With the Royal Rumble airing tonight what better way to commemorate the occasion than a 30 video game characters Battle Royale. Ten of the best characters from each brand (Sony, Xbox, Nintendo) will compete for the title of: MOST EPIC GAME CHARACTER EVER OF THE UNIVERSE CHAMPION!!!!

Entry Number 1: Toad

Entry Number 2: Sack Boy

Toad realizes Sack Boy is only a few inches tall, so he picks Sack Boy up and throws him out of the ring.

Sack Boy has been Eliminated.

Toad waits for the number 3 entrant.

Number 3: Gannon

Toad wishes that he hadn’t been so hasty eliminating Sack Boy. Gannon is on him like a scalded dog. The buzzer sounds and out comes entry Number 4.

Number 4: Conker the Squirrel

Gannon, being the sadistic Pigman he is, is just taking it to Conker and Toad. Who can stop his path of destruction?

Number 5: Parapa The Rappa

The hits just keep on coming and Gannon is loving the destruction he is dealing out. As the counter continues to dwindle down, who will be Gannon’s next victim?

Number 6: Link accompanied by Zelda

Gannon is shocked and goes to the ropes threatening Link not to step into this ring. He is so engrossed in his nemesis he doesn’t see the three other combatants sneaking behind him. They dump him over the top rope.

Gannon has been Eliminated.

Link, now in the ring, is blindsided by Gannon. Gannon puts the boots to Link before tossing him over the top rope.

Link has been Eliminated.

Gannon eventually leaves and Zelda helps Link to the back. The others recover in the ring as the number 7 entry arrives.

Number 7: Marius Titus (Ryse Son of Rome )

Using his military training, Marius is able to dump Parapa out of the ring.

Parapa the Rappa has been Eliminated.

Number 8: Cloud

Cloud enters the ring and attempts to use his buster sword on Marius. It is so top heavy, Cloud loses his balance and eliminates himself.

Cloud has been Eliminated.

Number 9: Luigi

The combatants keep going at it. The assault is too much for Conker who is thrown over by Luigi.

Conker has been Eliminated.

Number 10: Mario

There is some obvious tension between the Mario brothers, but they are able to put it aside and use their combined might to eliminate Marius.

Marius Titus has been Eliminated.

Number 11: Jack Joyce (Quantum Break)

No one can seem to get the upper hand as we are joined by the next entry.

Number 12: General Raam

Raam is putting boots to behinds and Toad is getting the worst of it. Just as it seems Raam is going to put Toad out of his misery, the buzzer sounds.

Number 13: Marcus Phoenix

Unlucky number for Raam, as his greatest foe appears. All other combatants are laid out and Raam tosses Toad away. He calls to Marcus begging him to come get some. Toad limply rolls to ringside under the bottom rope. Marcus and Raam go at it in the ring. The carnage is indescribable, and the others just try to escape notice. Neither Raam nor Marcus can get the upper hand. The sounder goes off and we have our next entry.

Number 14: Blinx The Cat

As soon as he hits the ring, Blinx and Jack’s time powers start to unravel the very fabric of space and time. The two get pulled into a time paradox, and Raam and Marcus Phoenix get caught in the black hole that forms.

Blinx the Cat has been Eliminated.

Jack Joyce has been Eliminated.

General Raam has been Eliminated.

Marcus Phoenix has been Eliminated.

With just the Mario Brothers in the ring, Mario and Luigi seem ready to lock up. At the last moment, Luigi pleads with his brother not to come to blows. Mario seems to consider this as the sounder hits.

Number 15: Ratchet accompanied by Clank

The Mario brothers turn their attention to Ratchet. Two on one gives the brothers the advantage.

Number 16: The Hero of Bowerstone

With the numbers advantage, the Mario Brothers continue to put in work against Ratchet and The Hero of Bowerstone.

Number 17: Captain Falcon

Falcon punches are flying at will. Toad, who has awakened, gets a Falcon Punch for his troubles and roles back to ringside. Falcon catches Mario with the Falcon Punch stopping the Mario brothers’ dominance.

Number 18: Arbiter

Number 19: Fox McCloud

Arbiter uses his energy sword to counteract Captain Falcon’s Falcon Punch. The force of the blow knocks both men from the ring.

Captain Falcon is Eliminated.

Arbiter is Eliminated.

Number 20: Cole McGrath

Number 21: Pikachu

The two electric users’ power short circuit one another. They are stunned, and they are tossed over by Fox McCloud.

Cole McGrath has been Eliminated.

Pikachu has been Eliminated.

Number 22: Jak accompanied by Daxter

Jak, seemingly incensed that Ratchet still has an ongoing series while he and Daxter are stuck in early 2000’s obscurity, takes Ratchet over the top rope. But wait, Clank launches his copter mode and flies Ratchet back into the ring.

Jak has been Eliminated.

Number 23: Kratos

The God of War is unleashing just that on his enemies. Kratos tears Clank’s head off his body and throws Ratchet over the top.

Ratchet has been Eliminated.

Kratos grabs Fox McCloud who attempts to do a barrel role. It ends poorly.

Fox McCloud has been Eliminated.

Number 24: Commander Shepard

I hope Shepard still has Cerberus’ contact info because he has just been impaled by Kratos’ chains. Shepard’s lifeless carcass falls to ringside.

Shepard has been Eliminated.

Number 25: Snake

Snake goes into stealth mode via cardboard box and avoids detection. Unfortunately the Hero of Bowerstone doesn’t have stealth on his side. He is tossed over by the God of War.

The Hero of Bowerstone has Been Eliminated.

Number 26: Master Chief

The two odds on favorites. The Master Chief and Kratos lock up a test of strength. Everyone else is laid out.

Number 27: Kirby

Kirby uses his incredible sucking power to suck in the distracted Kratos and Master Chief. I guess they are eliminated?

Kratos has been Eliminated.

Master Chief has been Eliminated.

Kirby begins shaking violently. He grows and grows and he explodes.

Kirby has been Eliminated.

Number 28: Joel accompanied by Ellie.

Mario has put on his Doctor Mario hat. This sends Joel into a blind rage. Mario tosses the hat onto Luigi. Joel doesn’t notice the change and throws Luigi over the top rope.

Luigi has been Eliminated.

Joel is tired of this. He steps over the ropes seemingly eliminating himself.

Joel has been Eliminated.

Number 29: Nathan Drake

Drake doesn’t mind waiting around for the others to do his dirty work. He sits down on the cardboard box. A giant exclamation point appears as Snake emerges. Drake is shocked and accidentally shoots Snake sending him over the top rope.

Snake has been Eliminated.

Drake feels terrible and tries to apologize to Snake. As he does Mario slips in from behind and dumps Drake to the outside.

Nathan Drake has been Eliminated.

Mario celebrates in the ring. If he can eliminate number 30 he will be

THE MOST EPIC GAME CHARACTER EVER OF THE UNIVERSE CHAMPION!!!!

Number 30 Bowser

The oldest foes in games face off. Bowser laughs maniacally. Mario exclaims, “It’s a Me”!” He pulls out a Star. Bowser tries in vain to stop him. Now invulnerable, Mario tosses Bowser over the Top Rope!!!

Bowser has been Eliminated.

Mario is THE MOST EPIC GAME CHARACTER EVER OF THE UNIVERSE CHAMPION!!!!

But wait Toad appears from out of nowhere, he dumps Mario over the top rope!!!

Toad is THE MOST EPIC GAME CHARACTER EVER OF THE UNIVERSE CHAMPION!!!!

But wait, Mario landed not on the floor but on Bowser’s shell. What’s that in his hand? A BLUE SHELL? Who was number 1? Toad. The blue shell obliterates Toad sending him tumbling to the floor. Mario jumps back into the ring to win the match.

Mario is THE MOST EPIC GAME CHARACTER EVER OF THE UNIVERSE CHAMPION!!!!

What a Slober Knocker. Thanks for joining me. Until next time this is The Bypartisan Gamer Chuck signing off.

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